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27 January 2006 @ 09:40 pm
Mhairi's Guide To Moving Out  
Author's Notes: Not a fictional piece (I actually lived this. :P) but amusing all the same.

Mhairi's Guide To Moving Out
Part One - It Begins

Let me just say that moving out is a bitch. You will never know what pain and agony is until you have to find a place to live with no money and very little time to do it in.

It all began when I discovered my parents and subsequently, younger brothers and sisters would be returning to live in the city sometime in the next four months. Confronted with this I did what any sane person would do in my situation. I bolted. I ran for the hills - oh boy did I run. I ran like never before, even in Sports Day when a loss by my relay team would mean complete humiliation, as well as the loss of a ten dollar bet.

Despite my determined and speedy flight from the city I ended up getting somewhat sidetracked in the leafy suburb of Wayville where my friend Jade currently resides.

Upon sharing our baleful dilemmas (her landlady reclaiming her flat and my impending incarceration with small children) we were struck upon by a brilliant idea. Why not move in together?! We had been friends for over five years and hadn't killed each other yet. It seemed like the perfect solution.

For those of you who don't know, the first step of moving out is to make sure you actually have enough money to do so. The first thing we did? Skip over our somewhat worrying financial situations and head straight to the 'For Rent' section in the paper. It's always good to be prepared after all, and patience is a virtue.

And so began the ring-around. Oh never before was there such pain as this. More than half the people you call will insist you drive past the outside of the place first, then call them back for a viewing. This became a major problem for us. Why? 1) We didn't have a car and 2) neither of us could actually drive (well, legally anyway). Thankfully, it seems there will always be a few people who won't insist on this most annoying of prerequisites, as well as the odd open inspection here and there.

Ah the joys of the open inspection... Think of it as going into the lion's den. Many people confined within a small space, all eyeing you off to ascertain if you are a threat to their gaining the property or not. It's like they can smell your fear. Jade and I, being rather new at this, felt like a pair of spring lambs surrounded by a pack of starving, drooling wolves out to make a kill. I was actually surprised we didn't find a body or two shoved in the cupboards.

But at last you will hit on a promising place and, providing you survive the Application Form of DOOM and Interviews with Evil, Fanged Land Agents/Lords/Ladies, they will promise to ring you back shortly to tell you how it went. What follows will include many hours of sitting at home, clutching the phone and wailing "why won't they call?" In many respects, finding a new apartment is much like finding a new boyfriend.

And when you finally recieve that phone call, "at last!" you sigh. "The whole ordeal is over!" Not so, my dear friend... for now comes "The Evil Saga Of Swindling Enough Money To Pay For The Damn Place!"